


Shelter

by dramamine_qt



Series: I want to make myself worth something [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: IED, Liam is a Cinnamon Roll, M/M, Theo doesn't know what to do with his feelings, anchoring each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-16 17:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12347007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramamine_qt/pseuds/dramamine_qt
Summary: Theo leaves Beacon Hills after the events in the hospital. Liam is confused about his feelings.





	1. Anchor... like an anchor?

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU of what happens after the hospital events. I hope you enjoy!

Theo was the most infuriating person Liam had ever met.

Not that it was hard to infuriate him normally, but Theo Raeken had a way to work him up even when he wasn’t there.

Liam couldn’t stop thinking about what happened in that hospital. Although both of them had agreed not to help each other in any way, promising not to save the other's life and not to hesitate to use the other as bait, they contradicted themselves more than once. They survived because of the empty promises and threats they made.

He was grateful, of course, he wouldn’t want it to have happened in any other way, but the need to understand  _ why  _ wouldn’t leave him alone. On his side it was pathetically easy to point the reason for him to back down his own words and team up with Theo: Liam was one of the good guys. He could never let Theo behind to die or kill him himself as he always said he would someday. No. Liam lost control sometimes and almost killed people for real because of his anger, he admitted, but Theo was never on the other side of his rage.

Actually, Theo was the one preventing him from killing people.

The pack was also grateful for the help he had offered during the war, but it would be too much to ask them to forgive something that they could never forget or get over, scars that may never heal. It seemed impossible for them to even think about accepting Theo as a member of the pack. Liam knew that none of them had known the Theo's version that he had met, one that could be an ally, one that could work together as a team. The Theo who somehow cared was yet to be discovered.

But even if things were not like that, Liam had the feeling that Theo would be the first to reject the idea. Being part of something after what had happened meant redemption and he wasn't ready for it. He was sure that Theo hadn't forgiven himself either. Liam could be wrong. He was never good at reading people and it had been months since the last time he had saw the guy. But he felt. A weird feeling under his skin telling him that Theo was alone and unhappy. He didn't tell anyone about this because rationally he knew he wasn't supposed to feel these things.

Also, he didn’t know why he thought so much about Theo becoming part of the pack.

So he kept thinking about him on his own, trying to understand what was happening to him and trying to open the mystery box that the boy turned out to be.

It would be too easy to be delusional and believe that Theo cared about him when he used his body as a shield and took bullets and arrows for him, covering Liam's escape. It would be cute if it was real, but Liam knew better and was determined to get to the truth.

And he was thinking exactly about that instead of paying attention to the pack meeting happening around him. He didn't use to be so distracted, but, that night, he couldn't help himself. Theo was there for the first time after months and his presence seemed big enough to claim all his concentration. Liam had been afraid that he would never get the chance to see him again and, now, everything that had bothered him all this time weighed inside him, urging to get out.

Theo was leaning over a wall, close to the door, in silence. He looked ready to run away in the first signal of hostility and Liam had to prepare himself to follow him and to avoid losing him again when the meeting was over.

He reached him a few steps away from the truck. Theo ignored him for a while, but turned away at once and forced Liam to stop abruptly. The expression on his face was unreadable.

"What do you want?" Theo asked, using his voice for the first time that night.

"Where have you been?" Liam answered with another question. He wanted to talk to him, but hadn’t really planned what to say. He didn't even know how to explain why in the fresh hell he wanted to see him so badly.

"It’s not your business." The bite didn't surprise Liam. Actually, hearing the snark in his voice and seeing the little smirk in his mouth was kinda comforting, a sign that even if some things have changed, other things would always be the same.

"Are you alright?" This question made the smirk disappear. The last time he asked that, Theo had been saving him (oh surprise) and getting hurt while doing it. The boy raised his eyebrows and looked like he had just been challenged. It wasn't true. Liam didn't want to fight or tease him; he just wanted him to know that he cared.

Theo looked at the door of the meeting room and then at Liam. He snarled.

"I don't know what's the matter with you and, sincerely, I don't want to." Theo turned to leave. Liam opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Theo's face looking at him again, right after closing the truck's door. "No, Liam. Just no. Go back."

And then he couldn't say anything else. He didn't want to feel like he was obeying, but he also didn't have another option besides going back, so he did. And he was greeted by a furious Malia snarling at him, claws out.

"What's going on?" Liam asked, confused. If everything was tense before Theo left, now he could almost taste it. It didn't make sense.

"What the hell, Liam!?" She answered, fuming. Scott had one safe hand on her arm. "What was that? What the fuck do you think you want with Theo?"

"Talk?" He hesitated. His moment with Theo could barely be called a conversation, it was a complete failure compared with what he had wanted it to be. Liam didn't understand why it bothered them so much.

"Oh my god, how can someone be so dense? I can't believe you are genuinely confused about this." Jackson said, looking at him like he was dumb. That made Liam angry. He hated when people treated him like a clueless child instead of just explaining what the heck they were meant and get over it.

"Fuck off, Jackson!" He growled.

"Yeah, fuck off, Jackson!" Stiles echoed joyfully entering the room, apparently just coming back from the bathroom. "I don't know the context or why are you all looking like there's something rotting here, but I agree with anyone that calls Jackson out."

"Liam's into Theo now." Lydia summarised.

"Okay, forget what I've just said. I'm not going to agree with Liam ever again" Stiles sat down, looking disappointed but not surprised.

Liam almost choked.

"I'm not into him!"

"Did he just forget that we are freaking werewolves?" Jackson laughed.

Liam felt so embarrassed he could punch a hole on the wall.

"Scott, can I talk to you?" He said, gritting his teeth and claws digging his palms. He hated to be so transparent, that his emotions were always written on his body. Liam wasn't into Theo, but something was clearly off and if everyone could see it, he should seek for help.

The alpha sighed, knowing that his time to mediate would come soon.

"Let's go for a walk." He said and they walked down the street silently, waiting to be far enough from the others so they couldn't be heard.

"I'm  _ not  _ into him." Liam started, trying not to blush now that he didn't have a reason to be angry and didn't know what he was supposed to feel. Scott smiled, prompting him to continue. "But I'm not sure what's going on either."

"What's happening?"

"I'm- well, I feel this thing. This connection, I don't know." He was shit at explaining things he could only feel. "Since that day at the zoo. It's like I know him."

Scott frowned.

"You didn't give me details about what happened there, just that you almost killed Nolan" Liam hissed at the memory and Scott patted him in the back. "That's okay. You didn't and I'm proud of you. I just don't understand what Theo has to do with this."

"He knocked me out." He answered, bitter. It was like admitting that he was a fraud, unable to control himself, wasting Scott's pride. "I tried really hard to restrain myself, tried to break my hand on the wall instead of breaking his fucking face, but I knew I wouldn't stop. I'm a monster, Scott. It was like I was watching my own actions, but couldn't hold myself. I was so scared I didn't see the first punch coming."

"The first?"

"Yeah. Apparently I needed four more to be put down." He touched his jaw absently, the ghost of the pain making him remember the talk they had on his truck after this episode. How Theo managed to comfort him without making him feel like a baby or an idiot for coming out with a really dumb plan and for losing his shit during it.

"I don't get it." Scott's frown deepened, confused. "How can you remember being punched five times with affection? What else didn’t you tell me?"

Damn werewolves.

"He helped me figure out that fear was what made me angry." Liam said weakly, his anger was his first defense instinct, his shield. Something that destroyed him more than saved. "He knew I would never forgive myself if I had killed Nolah."

"Oh..." Scott seemed to see something that Liam couldn't and was taking too much time to elaborate.

"What?"

"I have a theory, but I'm not sure." He stopped and looked at Liam. "I think that maybe Theo had became your anchor that day. I mean, he put you down and took care of you until you came back to your senses. That's quite meaningful if you look from a wolf’s point of view."

"Anchor? Like... An  _ anchor  _ ?"

"I'm not saying that’s it. I need to do some research to be sure. But, it makes sense. You were floating away, getting lost inside your feelings. I did my best to help you but I have to admit that I didn't know how." He shrugged, he was experienced enough to understand that he couldn't always win. "Now you are different, I don't feel like I have to worry so much about you. Something changed, I just didn't know what it was."

"Theo can't be my anchor." Liam started trembling a little. After all this time trying to figure Theo out, Liam didn't think that the problem could be himself.

"It's strange, I know, but-"

"No, I mean, how can I be grounded to someone who isn't even here?"

"Yeah, that's a point." Scott looked around like he was waiting the answer to present itself in front of him. "But you've just said that you were kind of 'feeling' him, right? Maybe... well, that sounds lame, but maybe it was you missing him."

"That's fucked up man." He murmured. Scott's words made him feel a weird emptiness.

They stayed in silence for a while, Liam forcing himself to breathe and calm down, trying to process the new information.

"Can I change it?" He asked, tense, looking up for Scott. Theo didn’t truly care enough to be his anchor. He would hate to be stuck with someone he didn’t want to, being used once more so the broken kid could have a normal life. It was unfair.

"I never saw it before, I can't give you a definitive answer, but I honestly think it's possible." He put a hand on Liam's shoulder. "An anchor isn't a mate or a lifelong bond. You'll have to try and focus on something else."

"I didn't focus on anything the first time. I don’t know how to do this" He didn't even know where to start.

"Our wolf sides are pretty primal, they get what they need when they need. You had to ground yourself into something – anything – and Theo happened to be there. It worked and it's probable that your wolf understood that it was right."

_ Shit  _ ... Liam would never get over Theo’s ego if he ended up knowing about this.

"Right..."

"We should come back and make a plan together. I'll help you get over it." Scott said, determined to be a good alpha, to do his best to ease Liam’s worries. "It isn't safe for you to have Theo as an anchor."

If Theo wasn't safe, Liam didn't know what was. The guy fought with and for him back then, saved him when he was captive and kept him sane when his anger took the best of him. He knew his story, what he had done in the past and also what he had done during the war. Liam thought Scott shouldn’t hesitate so much to give him a second chance.

"I don't want to come back." He said instead of trying to defend Theo's cause.

Scott smiled, amused.

"You'll really let them think you have some kind of crush on him?"

Liam shrugged. "It's none of their business. Please, don't tell them."

"I won't." He promised, making a face, imagining the flood of questions he would have to dodge. "Go home then, think it over and talk to me when you decide what to do."

He nodded and started to walk, feelling Scott watching his back. But then he stopped and turned.

“So, he’s going to be around now?” he wanted to know if there was time for him to figure it out before Theo left again. He was sure he would go away soon enough.

“For a while.”

Liam also wanted to confirm his suspect that Theo was homeless, sleeping in his truck, but he didn’t need Scott to tell him what he already knew. The car smelled like sweat and nightmares. Smelled entirely like Theo, fear and loneliness.

He nodded again and didn’t look back.

  
  



	2. You could have stayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Theo finally get to talk.

Mason asked Liam to buy some snacks and sat suspiciously closer to Corey in the bed where they were playing The Walking Dead. He rolled his eyes and accepted his fate as the cockblock in this friendship.

He was hungry anyway and was tired of scenting horniness all over the room.

Liam sensed Theo's presence the moment he walked inside the grocery store. It made him want to turn around and go home. His day had been pretty bad without Theo to irritate him even more. He had been confused and had been told to fuck off by a lot of people lately, Theo included, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be the obnoxious guy who would never get over his problems.

So, he decided to avoid Theo completely, buy some fucking food and come back to the video game. It was a good plan.

But, as always, his plan failed before it started, because he faced Theo in the first aisle he stepped in. The guy was standing in front of a shelf, holding a market basket filled with bottles of water and protein bars. He saw Liam and smirked.

Liam glared, tense, and forced himself to look away. He grabbed some chips and cookies randomly, wishing to leave as soon as possible. He dared to look at Theo one last time before leaving and caught him staring.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He was amused, the fucking little smirk reaching his fucking eyes as Liam tried to not break his own teeth with the force with which he gritted his jaw.

“Go fuck yourself.”

“What happened with the friendly Liam I met yesterday?”

“He was promptly turned down.” Liam answered, thinking that this was a good moment to leave, but his body seemed to disagree with the thought and stayed still.

“Pity. I was just in need of a friend.” He looked again at the shelf and took two packets of instant noodles of different brands. “I just can’t decide.”

Away from the others hearing, Theo seemed to embrace openly his jackass inner self. He was mocking Liam, trying to make him feel stupid for trying to reach him without an apparent reason. The thing was that he looked too relaxed himself around Liam right now, making all the mocking pointless.

“You make it so easy to hate you” Liam closed the distance between them and took the basket from Theo’s arm harshly, taking some of each type and putting them in.

“ _ You  _ are too easy.”

They went to the checkout line and Liam rolled his eyes when Theo joined their purchases and let him pay for both of them. Liam didn’t care about paying. Actually, he was thinking of doing it already because he had a feeling that Theo was short of money. It was the smug expression on Theo’s face that made him want to punch his perfect teeth.

“Tell me again why the heck you came back to Beacon Hills, besides from being a jerk.” Liam said, trying to make a legitimate question behind a dose of sarcasm. He was sure that it was the entire point of the last meeting, but he was also sure that he hadn’t listened to anything. Theo’s fault again.

“You really weren’t paying any attention, huh?” Theo retorted, playing disappointment. “I thought you were at least capable of staring at me and listen at the same time.”

“For fuck’s sake, Theo.”

“Chill dude.” Liam was clearly being a piece of entertainment to him. “It wouldn't be wise to talk about it in public though. You'll have to ask one of your little buddies if you really want to know.”

“Or we could go somewhere and you tell me.” Liam rolled his eyes and shoved his bag for Theo to carry. “You don't look like you have anything else to do.”

“You don't even know what's going on, how can you be so sure I'm not busy?” He had that face he used to do when he was messing around with Liam. Infuriating, you see. “I have instant noodles to cook”.

“Wow, groundbreaking.” Liam raised an eyebrow. “So, I have a stove, gas and a couch. Let's go to my place. If you behave yourself I may let you take a shower too.”

Theo discreetly checked the smell of his jacket.

“I'm not stinking!” He argued, indignated.

“When was the last time you took a shower in a proper bathroom, Theo? Aren't you sleeping in your truck? Do you have a job? Where are you getting money?” Liam started asking and went on with satisfaction when he noticed how Theo was retreating, losing a bit of his bitch posture. “I bet my couch is better than the backseat of a car. You look tired.”

“Of course I look tired…” Theo sighed and grabbed his keys from his pocket. “Do you need a ride?”

That made Liam remember about Mason and Corey.

“Sure.” He thought about them, but had the feeling that they wouldn't really miss him. He had chosen to walk to the grocery store because he wanted to breathe a less recycled air. He wanted to be alone for a while without thinking he was going to drown on his own feelings.

The truck was parked almost a block away from the place – apparently he wasn’t the only one in need of some walk. They went silently. Theo seemed to be absorbed in thoughts. Liam was trying to pay attention on what he was feeling, if there was any signal of a bond or something. He didn't notice anything amiss except the fact that Theo’s presence wasn't bothering him at all. He felt ok. Comfortable.

However, when Liam pulled the handle of the passenger's door, Theo came from behind and closed it again harshly. Liam looked at him, confused, his face was too serious.

"You don't think you owe me, do you?" Theo asked and rolled his eyes when he noticed that Liam didn’t understand. "Do you think you need to make up to me for saving your life?"

"Oh... uh... No." He frowned and put his hands on Theo’s shoulders, moving him to the side so he could open the door. "I saved you from hell, man. If someone owes someone here, it's you. Now, stop pitying yourself and get in the car."

Theo blinked at him and was blessfully without words.

No one said anything else until they were at Liam's house.

"Right, my mom will be at work till late today. We can eat something and then it's up to you." He said while putting his bag of snacks in the cabinet. Theo was leaning on the kitchen island when he looked at him. The guy scanned the place quickly and his eyes ended up on Liam. Liam’s throat became suddenly dry. "You could rest, do some laundry, take a bath, or whatever. I don't care."

"Right." He didn't move.

Liam sat on the stool in front of him on the other side.

"I think we need to talk."

"It's why I came, isn't it?" He said, but clearly wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Yeah. But about something other than pack stuff."

"  _ Pack stuff  _ ..." Theo echoed, bitter. "I have nothing to do with your precious pack."

Liam frowned.

“Listen, I came back to warn Scott”. He scratched the shadow of a beard on his chin absently. “I've been selling information for a living after the war.”

Liam made a face and Theo seemed to feel the need to defend himself: “I was raised by the fucking Dread Doctors and it isn't like I know how to do anything… normal.”

“You could learn.”

“I'm a homeless out-of-school kid, Liam.” Theo looked more tired than ever.

“You could have stayed.”

“And what? What difference would that make?” He sighed exasperated and looked out of the window. Liam waited. “There's nothing here for me.”

“What did you do then?” He wanted to argue. Theo was wrong about that. Liam was sure that with time they could have adapted, tried to find a way to have Theo and the memory of his actions at the same time, but saying this now would blow up the truce they somehow managed.

“I kept the last events out of trade, of course, but I met people who knew. People who already had the city as a target. Mostly hunters.”

Liam should have guessed the problem. Apparently, the hell and the violence would never end in Beacon Hills. He nodded, frustrated.

"So you came to warn us. That's nice." He said with a half smile. Theo got impatient.

"I didn't do this because I'm a fucking altruist. I'm trying to save myself." He straightened his posture and Liam almost thought he was about to leave. These words made him remember months ago, all the egoistic and empty promises. "When they suspected I was directly involved with all that shit, they weren't negotiating anymore. There's cheaper ways to take information from someone."

A silence followed, letting it sink.

"Were you tortured?"

"I got out." He shrugged awkwardly. The heat he had during his explanation was gone. He didn't want to talk about it. "You should open your hands."

Liam took some seconds to understand the abrupt change of subject. He looked down, tried to relax his fists but found it difficult to let the tension go. When they opened, there was blood where his claws dug. Anger 1 x Liam 0.

"The anger issues. Never got better." He commented, genuinely sad. If Theo really was his anchor, it wasn't supposed do happen like this, right?

"And they never will." This made Liam look up, intrigued. "It's part of who you are. It's not ideal, of course, but you're managing. Have you killed anybody?"

"No! Jesus, Theo! Of course not!” He was about to put his hands on his lap where anyone could see the evidence of his reaction to what he had been told, but Theo interrupted the movement and put them where they were. "What are you doing?"

He watched while the guy wetted some paper towels and cleaned his palms with them. The cuts were already healed and the skin looked like nothing had happened.

"Here you go. No harm, no foul" Theo made little balls with the dirty paper and tossed them in the trash. "Now, stop pitying yourself and give me food."

With a smirk on his face, Theo went back to his normal self. Liam felt dumbstruck.

"Right..."

They ate and Theo decided to accept Liam's suggestion, using his bathroom to take a proper shower. Meanwhile, Liam called Mason and gave some excuses to explain his absence. He could say his friend didn't believe anything he said, but didn't push and Liam was grateful for this.

He grabbed his homework, went to the living room and turned on the TV so there was a light white noise in the background. He was determined to make Theo rest a little. Just the idea of him being tortured or afraid enough to come back to a place he hated so that he could feel slightly safe made Liam's blood boil. His anger kept being connected with his fear, apparently.

"I want to talk about the other thing now." Theo said, entering the room and sprawling himself on the couch. He was wearing sweatpants and a plain white T-shirt. He smelled like Liam.

"Yeah?" Liam wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about that anymore.

"Yeah. What is it?" He waited, but by Liam's face it was clear it was something personal. Curiosity sparkled on Theo's eyes. He would never lose a chance to embarrass Liam. "Tell me. You softened yesterday trying to have that conversation where all of them could hear and suddenly you are timid?"

"I’m not soft!" He retorted, desperate to change the focus.

"And keep doing it! You fucking opened the door of your house for me. No one in their right mind would do this. I want to know why you're trying to play it nice with me.” He raised an eyebrow, wary. “What do you want?”

Liam thought it would be wiser to talk to Scott before having this conversation. He was starting to feel nervous and soon Theo would notice it. But he also didn't know if he would have another opportunity.

“Do you have an anchor?” he asked and this time Theo was the one to be confused with the change of the subject. “What do you ground yourself to when you lose control?”

Theo opened and closed his mouth sometimes before looking away, thinking.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Liam tried, pretending to turn his attention to his homework. He didn’t think this topic would be as sensitive to the guy as it was for him.

“It’s a memory.” Theo ended up saying, but refused to elaborate. “Why does that matter?”

“I… I don’t know how to explain.” Liam broke the pencil he was holding unconsciously. He sighed. “But it’s probably nothing. I’m just trying to find a reason. That’s all.”

“A reason for what? I don’t read minds yet, Liam.”

“After you went away, I started having these… feelings. I couldn’t stop thinking about what you were doing or trying to figure out why you did what you did back then.” He shrugged, striving to play it off. “Scott thinks I missed you, that my wolf wanted to be close to you because you might be my anchor.”

Now Theo was the one that seemed dumbstruck.

Theo looked at his own hands like he was remembering what had just happened in the kitchen. The way he calmed Liam down so naturally, without even thinking.

“That’s fucked up, man.” he said, under his breath, and Liam almost laughed listening Theo mirroring his own reaction.

“Do you think that makes sense?”

“I don’t know. I- I don't think that having someone like me as an anchor is good for you.” Liam didn't expect to see him so unsure. Actually, Theo looked like he was about to be sick.

Liam thought of Scott's journey to be his own anchor, to have the strength to be the support he needed for himself. Liam couldn't even dream of getting there. He wasn't exactly admitting weakness, but he was aware that he was his own enemy. His body, his nature, his instincts were what he feared most. He couldn't trust himself.

But he didn't know if he could trust Theo either.

“What do you want from me?” Theo went from thoughtful to peeved in a second. Liam sighed, unsurprised. “Things are not going to be all friend and rainbow. I won't change or stay because of this. I cannot help you.“

“Did you hear me ask you to do any of this?” Liam felt himself weirdly free of anger, even if Theo was freaking out, even if he was being rejected. He suddenly understood that everything had been purely one sided. He felt too much and Theo too little. He was afraid that the Theo he had thought about all this time was just in his mind. This hurt a little.

Theo got up and walked away. Liam heard the bathroom's door slamming hard twice. He didn't react when Theo passed through him with the clothes he had previously changed to in hand and left.

He shoved his notebook away and buried his face on a pillow while the truck pulled away from the parking lot.

That went as bad as he was expecting. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The last chapter will be done tomorrow!


	3. Does it bother you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good dose of punches and swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too weak with these two.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Things were awkward between them for a while. Liam didn’t try to reach Theo immediately after the disaster that their talk had been, he thought it was better to give him space. He planned to give it time, but the universe never followed his schedule.

Neither the universe nor his patience. There was still a lot he wanted to talk with Theo he wanted to hang out with him and experience more of that vulnerability they had shared that afternoon. His mind could be fucked up as it wanted, but he felt less fucked up himself when he was on Theo’s company because he knew Theo could take it. Maybe it was it: Theo got him.

Except, of course, when Theo was freaking out and running away from problems that didn’t even exist. Theo was, probably, allergic to emotions.

Liam waited while he could, but a couple of days later, when he saw the truck parked on a quiet street and heard the soft hum of someone sleeping, he couldn’t just ignore and leave. He approached the car and saw Theo asleep on the passenger’s seat, totally inclined backwards.

Liam smiled and knocked on hood to wake him up. Theo startled, probably smelling the scent Liam had left the last time and failing to realize that he was approaching. He put the seat back and took too long to notice that Liam was entering by the driver’s door.

"No. What are you doing? I didn’t let you come in." Theo complained, shoving Liam unsuccessfully by the shoulders. "You are impregnating my truck with your scent."

Liam looked at him, furious. They fought, almost wrestling within that small space, until Liam gave a good left hook and heard Theo's head bumping on the window. He hissed.

"Stop being an idiot and stop pushing people away, Theo!" he said, his body heated with the fight.

"I'm not pushing people away, I'm pushing YOU away, it's different."

"Get over yourself, Raeken."

Theo seemed to be offended by the use of his last name.

"You get over yourself, Dumbass."

"I don't need it, I'm not the one hiding from everyone inside this fucking metal box so that people can't reach me." He was breathing hard, the desire to break something turning his hands into fists. "I'm not the one thinking I'm broken beyond repair and refusing to live my fucking life."

They looked at each other, the sound of their hearts and irregular breathing filling the truck.

Then Theo broke his nose.

Liam focused on the brief pain that caused and cleaned the blood with his T-shirt. He didn't punch back because he thought he deserved it. He had no right to accuse Theo like that, but Liam had been feeling all of this for so long, he couldn’t help but try to put some sense on Theo.

"What do you fucking want, Liam?" Theo said, inclining his body forward so he could put his forehead on the dashboard.

"I want- I want you to stop running from me."

"Why do you care?" Theo asked, ignoring what he’d just said, turning his head so he was facing Liam. "You have nothing to do with how I feel. You don't know me. You don't know what I did. I don't want anyone pretending that that didn't happen."

"I didn't forget. I know exactly what you've done" Theo huffed a humorless laugh. "I care because I feel like I'm a monster too. I have to constantly watch myself, because when I'm angry I want to make what is affecting me go away so badly I could destroy it. I want to hurt people. I want to break everything I can, because I feel so broken inside that seeing something whole infuriates me.

"I almost killed Scott." He saw Theo opening his mouth to say something stupid about how it was his fault and didn't let him start. " I almost killed Scott. It's something that I did, it doesn't matter what led me to that. I felt so bad I couldn't look him in the eyes. I forced him to punish me to make me feel better. I wished he would never trust me again, because I’m incapable to trust myself. But he does trust me and it's good. Makes me feel less like a lost cause."

He stopped talking. He wanted to make a point about Theo refusing to change, refusing to start again, but he hadn’t expected to say so much. Talking about this out loud made him feel too exposed, selfish for making the thing about himself.

"You aren't a lost cause, Liam." Theo sat normally again, looking outside. "None of these were your choice. You’re a good guy, that's why you feel so guilty."

"And you don't?" Theo looked at him. "Don’t you feel guilty? Don’t you regret?"

"That's different. I wanted to do everything I did. I chose to kill those people. I chose to lie. I chose to take the power from people I should care about." He avoided Liam’s eyes. "Fuck, Liam- I killed my own sister."

"This in your scent, isn't it regret?" Liam said, gently.

"It doesn't matter."

Liam thought that it did, but didn't push. Between the two of them, they’d already talked enough for a lifetime.

“I’m leaving Beacon Hills. Tomorrow.” he muttered. Liam was half waiting for this, it was his fault, he shouldn’t have said anything. He shouldn’t have made this personal. “My steering wheel did nothing to you, you know?”

“Sorry.” He said without really feeling it, loosening the grip he didn’t even notice he was doing on the wheel. He took a deep breathe. “Yeah, I think you are right, there’s nothing for you here.”

“Liam-”

“Where’s the key?” He interrupted, opening his palm and waiting.

“No. Why?”

“I’m planning on taking myself at home, then punch you in the face, then never ever see you again.” He answered, honestly. Theo frowned.

“Fuck, no. Get out, I’m driving.” he ordered, but Liam wasn’t in the mood to make things easy.

“You get out. I won’t risk putting my feet on the street so you have the chance to leave me behind.” He raised an eyebrow. “This or you give me the key.”

They started a staring contest that lasted exactly four seconds before they were wrestling again, changing places without getting out of the car. 

“You fucking kicked my kidney, you idiot.” Theo complained, rubbing his side. They were both blushing and pretending that nothing happened.

“It’s all you fault!”

“Stop being so-”

“Guys.” someone said outside and they startled. Liam screamed a little. “Could you boys quit fighting like two five year olds? It’s embarrassing.”

“What are you doing here Jackson?” Theo asked, doing an awesome job with the cold voice and nonchalant posture.

“Besides almost catching you fucking or whatever was it?” He shrugged. “I was looking for Liam.”

“He’s right here. See? Please take him.”

Jackson made an unimpressed face.

“They’re here.” He said. Theo and Liam looked at each other, they knew what that meant. Liam asked him a silently question.

“I’ll go with you.” He answered.

  
  


* * *

 

Things turned to shit pretty quickly.

Liam and Theo were fighting a couple of hunters in a basement while Scott and Malia went to the woods, running, trying to catch the ones that had escaped. Three of them were down outside and Stiles was taking care of them.

Jackson was injured, they didn’t know what kind of poison they had put on their guns, but it prevented werewolves from healing. Lydia had taken him to Deaton. Liam hoped he was okay.

The woman he was fighting was hard to put down. She knew how to compensate her height and inferior strength with technique. He thought about taking martial arts classes or something after that.

Theo was struggling in a hand to hand fight with a big and square guy. Liam jumped on his back and tried to strangle him. Before the man gave in, he produced a knife from his belt and attacked Theo aimlessly. He dodged, but ended up with a deep cut on his arm.

Liam saw him stop mid-movement, the wound turning green almost immediately. Theo looked at him before falling to the floor.

“No.” he whispered to himself, remembering how bad Jackson was when he and Lydia had left, everyone thought he would die. “Please, Theo, no.”

The man used the distraction to get out of his grip and pushed him. Liam barely moved, he was so angry, so hopelessly furious, he wasn’t even feeling his own body. He didn’t care if the hunter was still alive when he finished with him.

“Theo!” Liam ran to him, he was shaking so hard it looked like he was convulsing. An yellow transparent liquid was pouring from the cut. He didn’t know what to do. “Stiles! STILES!”

Theo’s eyes were open but unfocused, his lips half opened becoming purple. Liam wanted to cry.

Stiles entered the room talking to someone on the phone. He saw what was happening. “Shit…”

“What do I do?” He turned to his friend, hoping that he had an antidote already. Anything to cure Theo. “Stiles-?”

“Alright, I’ll call you right back.” He finished the call and joined Liam beside Theo’s body. He made a face. “Right. I was talking to Lydia, Jackson is going to live, but it’s not easy. The poison, whatever it is, is psychotropic. It fucks up with your head and that’s why the body stops healing.”

“And WHAT DO I DO?” he wanted a solution, not an explanation. Stiles sighed.

“He needs to fight back the poison. He’s probably spiraling inside some kind of weird thoughts and it’ll be hard to get out of his head alone .” He stood. He looked disgusted with his own train of thought. “Jackson used Lydia as an anchor. That’s what you can do.”

“How!?”

“I don’t know! Lydia is already his anchor. Maybe Theo is using his own right now. I don’t know.”

Theo started murmuring something. His body tensed and his hand went straight to his chest, he gripped the fabric of his T-shirt tightly and pressed.

“What’s he doing?” Stiles asked, puzzled.

“Tara, no…” Theo whispered almost inaudibly. Liam gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe it.

“He is using his anchor.” He answered Stiles’ question right before punching the floor so hard that a human hand would have broken. Stiles startled. “Please, get out.”

“What-”

“Get out, Stiles.” He didn’t raise his voice, but his flashing eyes were enough to convince him.

“Right. I’ll be back, though.”

Liam waited for him to get outside and straddled Theo to restrain his movement.

He couldn’t believe that the memory Theo claimed to be his anchor was the memory of his fucking sister taking off his damn heart. This little shit wanted so much to be punished, to suffer for everything he’d done that he got attached to the worst thing that had happened to him.

This made Liam so angry. Theo might not care about his own life, but he did.

Even if he had to beat the shit out of him.

“Why. Are. You. So. Stupid. You. Freaking. Idiot.” Liam punched him in the face between every word. His anger boiling inside him, hating that Theo was so miserable. Hating what he made with himself. “Fucking look at me!”

Theo gasped under him, his eyes finally focusing on reality. He looked terrified and confused. Liam didn’t lose a beat. He grabbed his jaw with one hand, forcing him to keep looking at him.

“You are safe. It hurts, but you’ll be good. Are you listening? Your heart is inside you, fucking beating.” Liam put his other hand over Theo’s, they felt the rhythm of it together. But Theo was hyperventilating, freezing. It wasn’t working.

“I’m here, you are not alone.” He took Theo’s hand from his chest, ripping Theo’s T-shirt where he’d been grasping in the process, and put their hands together on Liam’s chest. “See? Do you feel it? We are alive. You are alive, do you understand? And you deserve to live, you fucker! So it’s better you fight that shit or I’m gonna lose it!”

A lonely tear escaped from Theo’s eye. Liam tried his best to be steady, to ground him, but he couldn’t stop his body from shaking, feeling himself breaking apart too.

The convulsion stopped eventually. Liam didn’t know how much time they had spent on the floor, their hands intermingled over Liam’s heart. The cut on his arm had closed messily, it would probably leave a scar.

Liam tried to control his breathing. The hand that was still on Theo’s jaw went to the base of his neck, his shoulder, his chest, anywhere Liam could to make him believe that he was still there. When he was about to let go, Theo started to cry. He cried the way people only do when they’re by themselves, the way he’d just seen himself doing. That was the moment he realized the he was holding a raw person, the entirety of Theo. It felt so big Liam thought he would overflow, too small to contain everything that he was.

Without thinking, Liam loosened his grasp on Theo and laid over his body, covering the open nerve that he was. Theo instinctively buried his face on Liam’s neck, his arms wrapping around him.

They stayed like that for a while. Liam jumped a little when he felt a hand on his neck. It was Scott.

He didn’t say anything, just grinned a little and nodded before leaving. Liam was grateful for it.

“Can we pretend that never happened?” Theo said weakly under him. The sob was gone and his breathing was close to normal. Liam smiled.

“Yeah? Why?” He replied, feeling so exhausted he wasn’t sure he would be able to get up again. “Don’t want to admit you are the soft one now?”

He felt Theo's smirk against his skin.

“I’m sorry.” behind the superficial tone, Liam knew he meant it.

“Oh, you should be.” With that Liam found the strength to sit up. Theo shrinked a little with the sudden lack of contact. “What the hell, man? WHAT THE HELL? You almost killed me here!”

“I was under the impression that I was the one almost dying.”

“Oh, no shit.” he got off of Theo and laid beside him. “You seriously were using the memory of your sister ripping your fucking chest apart as an anchor? What’s the matter with you?”

“You are using me. What’s the difference?” He replied bitterly, truly believing that he was as bad as a dead sister.

“I’m going to punch you in the face so hard you’re going to-” He stopped mid track when he noticed all the blood on his hands. Only then he remembered the hunter from before. “No…”

He stood, his legs were weak but not more than how he felt with the idea of being a murderer.

The man was thankfully alive. His face wouldn’t be the same ever again, but he was still breathing. Liam took a deep breath, feeling Theo’s eyes on him.

“Let’s go home.” He said, finally, holding out his hand to put Theo on his feet again.

 

* * *

 

Maybe Liam should admit he was into Theo after all.

He didn't know what to do with the affection he was feeling at the moment. His heart ached. His entire body ached. So he pretended that everything was ok and took the mattress from the spare room and put it beside his bed. Theo practically passed out on it.

Liam sighed and laid down too, but he was too restless to sleep. He moved to the edge of the bed and watched Theo. Under the moonlight, he looked in peace, like he hadn’t any of the demons and pain inside him. He sighed again and let his arm fall, his fingers brushing slightly on Theo's shoulder.

"Why aren't you unconscious?" Theo asked, sleepy, turning his face to Liam's direction without opening his eyes.

"Why aren't you?"

"You are staring."

"Yeah."

Theo opened his eyes.

"Why are you staring?"

"I was asking myself if you still want to leave." He was afraid that he would run away again, permanently this time. "Do you?"

"I don't know."

"I think you should stay." They were whispering, the penumbra compelling him to tell what he was thinking. "You could live here for a while, my mom won't mind."

Theo made a bitter sound.

"You are too eager to make a mistake, Liam. A huge one." He muttered. "You're going to regret that offer in the morning."

"I think I love you." He said before he could stop himself. If he could have eaten his words back he would have. Looking back, he realized that he’d been nursing this feeling even before Theo returned to the city.

Silence followed.

Theo shifted on his mattress, laying on his side.

"I don't understand how you can be so honest with your feelings all the time."

"Does it bother you?

"That you love me or that you're too honest?" He smirked, delaying the moment where he would need to say something.

"Yes."

"You are insufferable." Theo rolled his eyes. Liam's hand was fully touching his arm now, afraid that, otherwise, he would disappear into thin air.

"You could stay and finish school; find a job; learn how to do the things you call normal things. You could help us sometimes." He said. "You can really choose things now."

"Stop making plans, man. You don't even know if I feel it back." Theo said, the messing-with-Liam face clear on him.

"I know you do." He replied, receiving a slap on the arm. "Ouch. I'm not gonna wait for you to tell me. The stick up your ass prevents you from recognizing your feelings."

"Shut your mouth, dumbass."

Liam felt weightless now that he’d said everything he’d wanted to say. Maybe things would be ok for real.

No one said anything for a while and Theo was steady and quiet enough for Liam to think he was almost asleep. They deserved to rest.

"Liam."

"Hum."

"We just had a moment. Do I really need to sleep down here?" He said, demanding. Liam smiled and moved, giving him space to lay down by his side.

Maybe things already were ok.

  
  



End file.
